Whether it be childhood related trauma, or trauma in recent years, trauma is something that tends to stick around. If left untreated, trauma can fester and start affecting those around us. Friendships, relationships, and marriages can become ruined over simple misunderstandings.
With how fragile some relationships are, trauma being an element in them can be a major hurdle to overcome. In marriages, communication and understanding are key for making it work, and in this blog, we will be talking about the impact that trauma has on relationships.
What is Trauma?
When it comes to trauma, there are two kinds: simple trauma and complex trauma. Simple trauma usually comes from singular moments in life, while complex trauma is the kind of trauma that happened in childhood and/or builds up over time. What both types of traumas have in common is that both affect our ability to connect with people and our ability to grow as people. Trauma causes damage to our souls that require healing, and to begin healing, we must understand how trauma affects us.
Traumas that can Impact Marriage
Normal and complex trauma are two main categories of trauma, but which types of trauma specifically impact marriages or relationships? A few examples of trauma that impacts marriages are:
Childhood Trauma: Childhood is perhaps the most prominent and common form of complex trauma. This can include witnessing or experiencing abuse, neglect, or violence from the adults around them.
Relationship Trauma: Relationship trauma is another type of complex trauma and it has a more direct impact on marriages. Relationship trauma can come from experiencing emotional manipulation, emotional neglect, or domestic violence/abuse.
External Traumatic Events: This constitutes simple trauma most of the time, and it can appear as tragic accidents, natural disasters, or military service. The impact that this type of trauma has on marriage is that is often leaves a person feeling strong anxiety in normal interactions. This type of trauma is also often linked with PTSD, and can require a long-term or specialized therapy to overcome.
How Trauma Impacts Marriage
Trauma manifests itself in different ways throughout our lives, and it can be especially detrimental to marriages. Here are a few ways in which trauma manifests itself in marriages:
Insecurity: Trust issues, emotional outbursts, and low self-esteem are all symptoms of trauma, and in a relationship these things can build up and create separation between partners.
Disconnect in Intimacy: To be intimate in a relationship, vulnerability and trust are required. Those who have been through traumatic events may find it more difficult to be open and intimate with their partner, as in the past that could have led to trauma.
Dissociation: People tend to cope with trauma in different ways. For some, this can look like a total emotional disconnect. Even when surrounded by loved ones, loneliness remains. Isolation is a side effect of this, and in marriage, this affects both people involved. If one person is isolating themselves, then that naturally leads to the other being isolated as well.
Poor Communication: Similar to the disconnect in intimacy, trust and vulnerability are required for good communication. Whether it be past failed relationships or a rough upbringing, some people may find themselves struggling to be open with people, let alone romantic partners. Issues that could be solved with a few words and apologies can turn into issues that build up and ruin marriages.
Healing and Recovery Approaches
While experiencing trauma is often out of our control, healing from trauma is something we need to do in order to be closer to those around us.
Healing from trauma is a process that requires a lot of effort and patience but is completely worth it. Here are a few ways that one might find helpful for healing from trauma:
Therapy: Individual therapy or couple's therapy are great ways to begin healing any damage trauma might have done between a couple. Your family therapist can provide recommendations about what type of therapy will be beneficial for a particular trauma.
Communication: Making an effort to communicate what you are going through to your partner or therapist helps bring about understanding. With understanding and communication, the steps towards healing are more clear.
Support Systems: Along with communication with your therapist or spouse, seeking support from friends and family is great way to remember that you are not alone, and you have people who care about you and helping you heal.
Moving Forward
Although experiencing trauma can be terrifying and difficult to overcome, understanding what it is and how it affects people is the first step towards recovery. What might be considered normal growing up or in previous relationships can end up harming the people that we care about in ways we might not even consider.
Healing from trauma is a journey that requires patience and effort, but it ultimately leads to stronger and healthier relationships. Remember, you're not alone in this process, and with the right support, healing is possible.
Ready to begin your healing journey together?Schedule a free consultation with our experts marriage therapists who specialize in trauma recovery. Take that first step toward rebuilding trust, deepening your connection, and creating the relationship you both deserve. Call us today at 805-947-0984 or visit www.florecerfamilycounseling.com/contact
to book your session. Your stronger marriage awaits.
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